I recently broke through a barrier. At first, the wall seemed insurmountable, and a great amount of procrastination kept the task safely at bay.
My psychological obstacles were clear to me; I knew what I was up against, I just didn't want to invite the challenge of braving vulnerability.
So what gave me the push?
After the great amount of procrastination, in which I led myself to a crossroads in my life that, in a nutshell, led me to consider opening a school to give my boys a new way of learning; more love, less pressure and greater relevance, while conveniently keeping vulnerability at bay, I re-centred myself, and I decided not to surrender a life long vision, in the name of fear.
The fact is, I have achieved every stepping stone intended, the next one is just very big!
It is clear what I truly want for my boys and I have every intention of creating it, but I am not giving up my career, instead, I am stepping up!
The signs were all around, life was speaking to me in the form of 'road sign posts' heralding the message: 'Live differently' and 'Take a different route'.
The thing is, as with any divination system (I know, I used to read the cards), it is up to the beholder to choose how to interpret the signs; we can do it by aligning them with our ideals, our curiosities, our values, our fears, our passions, our big wild dreams, or our impossible perfections, or, we can calmly embrace the present, review our core heart values, embrace reality and all the feelings and emotions that come with it, and decide to take on the obstacles that are standing before our true wants.
When I broke down the obstacles, it led me to a simple truth; fear of vulnerability.
So here I am, stepping forward and out of my comfort armour of ‘corporate coaching psychologist, where it is ‘safe ’to listen, ‘safe’ to be present without exposure, ’safe’ to ask insightful questions, and ‘safe’ to teach about psychological well-being, leadership development and cultural integration, and into a greater authenticity, so that I can take the next step - to facilitate co-creating harmony in our world on a bigger scale, because it feels exciting and allows for my creativity to be unleashed
Doing this means getting people on-board with my vision, and this means sharing my story, and this is what felt so scary!
I took the first step; I launched my podcast ‘In Harmony’, and I shared an aspect of my story about learning to live in harmony in: ‘The power of love’.
What I learned was that it was the fear of stepping out that felt insurmountable. Now, moving in the unknown, present and exposed, actually, it’s not that bad! Everything is still unknown, but I removed the obstacle that was in my power to overcome, and in doing so, I simply acquired more power to be with life!
What gave me the push? LOVE – Love for my boys and passion for my meaningful heart-centred career purpose.
Love is powerful
Here is ‘The Power of Love’
Nurturing a workplace culture of belonging requires immense bravery
Growing a belonging-centred company is a test of strength that invites leaders to remove the armour that sets people apart from each other, and move into a space of authentic presence, because you can only create a sense of belonging in a space where people are their true selves.
The armour’s that separate people in the workplace are ‘title’s’, income brackets, net worth, qualification, power of influence, and the psychological defences of the ego. Although we cannot remove the facts, what we can learn to do, is to step out of the ego-base and the aspects of identity built on what a person has achieved, or the version of themselves that they feel confident about projecting, and step into authenticity, which means accepting the self, sincerely.
In the absence of self-acceptance, aspects of self are denied, hidden or avoided, masked by a limited version of a person, while feelings and emotions, thoughts and ideas may be supressed, and the voices of critical judgment shout out above the voices of empathy, compassion and kindness. In the absence of acceptance, we are operating with internal conflict, bringing about a more reactive way of being and often with a higher emotional charge, while living disconnected from each other.
Moving towards a more connected way of being with ourselves and each other arises from acceptance of self and situation, which allows for the fostering peaceful relations in a space of openness, authenticity and empathy, and it is here where a true sense of belonging is birthed. This is because when we resolve our internal conflicts and embrace who we are, and how we are, and what we are, and where we are, and what we have, in acceptance, we diffuse the charge that triggers our defence systems to go up, where the voices of negativity, critical judgment, comparison and frustration play out, and instead, our state of being in peaceful acceptance with self, allows for an openness and authentic state of being to connect heart-to-heart with others.
When authentic human connection is chosen, through the process of acceptance of self, it then becomes possible to state that:
‘I accept myself as I am’, which makes it easier and more genuine to state that ‘I accept you as you are’, which leads to: ‘I include you as you are’ and ‘I feel included’.
In a space where acceptance and inclusion are created, a new sense of curiosity emerges where people begin to show that: ‘I am interested in who you are’, and ‘I want to get to know you’ and this leads to ‘I care about you, ‘I want to support your growth and development’ and ‘I value, respect and believe in you’.
Our interest and curiosity for others, when cultivated in a space of authenticity and acceptance, very naturally gives birth to compassion and kindness, because these are our natural human qualities that cannot help but shine when a person chooses to open themselves. It is here, in this genuinely positive and love-centred space that a sense of true belonging is felt.
Getting to self-acceptance means inviting the questions: ‘Who am I?’ ‘How am I?’ ‘How do I feel’, ‘What is my story?’ ‘How do I feel about my story?’, ‘Where am I in conflict?’ ‘Where am I in peace?’. ‘What am I hiding; where is there a feeling of shame?’ and ‘Where am I authentic acceptance?’
Once the true self can be seen, then next step is about processing any unresolved emotions that disturb the peace of the soul, and fostering a state of mind that supports self-acceptance, which is fundamentally about making the choice to love the self.
With growing self-esteem and emotional healing in process, the self becomes a stronger and braver self, better able to face fear, doubt and uncertainty, and able to develop and implement the mind mastery skills that help foster new and healthier habits and behaviours that support the growth of positive living, and herald a return to the authentic self; to truth and to love.
A love-centred self, accepts the self, and knows that they belong or that they don’t, and if they do not belong, it is not founded on insecurity or lack of self-love rather it is based on the fact that there are simply different value systems at play, and that they indeed belong somewhere else, and that is perfectly acceptable.
Growing a belonging-centred culture is more than making people feel that they belong, or incentivising them into your values system. Growing a belonging-centred culture is about leadership from people with healthy self-esteem, authentic presence, and a clear vision and values set inviting people who align with their vision and values, to authentically connect, and grow together. If the self-esteem and level of acceptance of an individual is low, this can hinder the felt-sense of belonging, but in a space where leaders embrace people who align with their vision and values in acceptance, while fostering inclusion practices, the possibility for developing a sense of belonging grows exponentially.
Copyright Antonia Behan 2024
'Mama milk, mama milk, mama milk' cries one sweetheart, while the other cries because he wants to be cuddled to sleep. My nerves are frazzled on 4 hours sleep, and the noise and needs of two babas at the same time becomes overwhelming, until I say to myself 'One thing at a time, just one thing at a time'.
The reality is I cannot give them both what they need at the same time, as much as I would love to, and in the back of my mind, the voice of 'I can't' triggers feelings that disturb my peace and leave me feeling that I can't cope.
The deeper truth is that these are just words that have temporarily claimed power over me, just words. The deeper truth is that I can cope, and I can care for both of my babies pretty well as long as I put my focus on 'One things at a time', 'I can do one thing at a time', I remind myself, because I can, but what I cannot do is be superwoman. 'One thing at a time' I echo, and with this mantra my peace is restored.
What this looks like in the moment is first of all accepting that one of them is going to keep crying. I give one his 'mama milk' and those tears end, and the I offer the other one some too, for momentary distraction, until I can fully hold him in both arms and cuddle him to sleep.
When one wants me to fix his train set, moments after he has mindfully taken the tracks apart, and the other is stuck on a half-rollover on his baby gym, the feeling of being torn between two wants triggers feelings that disturb my peace. 'One thing at a time' looks like, accepting the sounds of their cries, picking up the baby in my arms and walking over to fix the train tracks with the other hand. I cannot attend to both their needs at the same time, and its okay; they are okay.
The overwhelm of both children calling to me with their needs, and when this is further intensified by cries or shouts, is overwhelming when my reaction, my natural reaction, is to meet both their needs, or our own, in that very same moment. Saying 'I can do one thing at a time' overrides the automatic reaction that has me pulled in two or three directions, with rising anxiety, to calmly attend to one need or want at a time, and let everything else go; this is the path to peace.
There is something on the horizon, it’s beginning to come into view; a bright light emerging and the dawn of a new day in a new year full of hope and possibility. I wonder how you feel about emerging radiantly with the first sunrise of 2024 as your full authentic self, choosing courage, strength and bravery for the first or thousandth time, so that you can live liberated, free to create and craft yourself, your home, your community and your world as your true heart desires? Simple.! It is really; it’s usually 'just' a mindset away from being real.
I would invite you on the journey to grow the winning mind to co-create your heart-felt reality, but I’d rather offer you something even more beautiful and soul strengthening, especially for those of you who already understand the mind mastery tools.
I would like to invite you to make one simple choice, a dedication to you, that will by the very nature of its presence, touch the hearts and minds of others, and most certainly bring the emergence of new peace, freedom, happiness and fulfilment.
I invite you to look in the mirror and say ‘I love you’ and mean it, sincerely, from the centre of your heart.
How does this make you feel?
Is it stirring your energy, perhaps some curiosity, or an element of wonderment? Is there a sense of a flicker of an inner light that might feel like discomfort but could equally be named excitement? Can you put your mind on it, give it your focus, let it emerge, let your inner light shine? It might feel scary, it might feel new, it might feel like something you have not allowed for a long time, or ever? An unknown light emerging, the light of you, your core truth, your soul. Can you allow your own emergence and becoming, the truth of you to be present in the world? I wonder how it, your light, your authentic truth wants to shine in the world?
When you choose love, you connect with the very core of your being, you feel connected with the light inside of you, and this connection, this knowing, this feeling, it gives you great strength. It is the energy and vibrancy that empowers you to apply effectively the mind mastery tools that shape the world of peace, freedom, happiness, fulfilment, joy and harmony.
Choose love, and then…
…what happens after you choose love is a mystery, a wonderful, beautiful, daunting and exciting mystery. You can try to frame it, box it, control it, but the truth is, the mystery is far too grand; a limitless possibility and potential once you have made the dedication to love.
You can craft dreams, beautiful dreams, infused with the light of your love and the passion of your soul and then you can ignite them with clear conscious and determined action, as you place one new footstep and then another onto the Earth and walk with her into her new dawn, allowing the great mystery to unfold with you.
You can move quietly, gracefully, passionately, gently, beautifully, radiantly, joyfully, excitedly, happily, and you can walk, run, dance or sing, its’s your life, your creation, your story, your truth, your emergence and your becoming, and it’s your choice. Choose Love.
Look in the mirror and say ‘I love you’ and mean it, sincerely, from the centre of your heart.
And then celebrate the dawn of the 2024, the year of love. The year you choose to own the power of your love for the benefit of you and your world.
And if you feel like a little encouragement, pick a link below and feel the energy of the music move through you as you walk towards the nearest mirror and say ’I love you’.
‘Ain’t no mountain high enough’ (Marvin Gay and Tammi Tarrell)
‘Stronger’ (Kelly Clarkson)
‘Eye of the tiger’ (Survivor)
‘Don’t’ stop believing’ (Journey)
It’s my life’ (Bon Jovi)
‘Beautiful’ (Christina Aguilera)
‘Imagine all the people’ (John Lennon)
‘Beautiful Day’ (U2)
‘What a wonderful world’ (Louie Armstrong)
The beauty of the act is that when you look in the mirror and speak these words of love, you speak them to yourself, and to your soul, and they reflect back and beyond you to your entire world.
I wish you a very happy Christmas and a new year filled with love
'The difficult thing is that vulnerability is the first thing I look for in you and the last thing I'm willing to show you. In you, it's courage and daring. In me, it's weakness' Brene Brown
The meaning of vulnerability
To be vulnerable means to share your innermost feelings or celebrating your successes without fear of rejection or criticism turning a positive human connective experience into a hugely daunting task.
In her book, 'Daring Greatly', Brene Brown defines vulnerability as “uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.” She goes on to state that vulnerability is at the core of shame, fear, and the struggle for worthiness, and it is the birthplace of joy, creativity and belonging.
To truly let go in our creativity, to allow our hearts open to the light of joy, and to authentically connect with ourselves and each other, we can only do so through vulnerability, but so often fear gets in the way of this liberated state of being, encasing us in clouds of shame and thoughts about not being ‘good enough’.
To give ourselves permission to be vulnerable, we must learn to embrace our feelings of shame, fear and low self-worth, and choose to dare greatly to love ourselves and so allow ourselves to be present in our true and full expression.
Where is vulnerability showing up in your life?
The Power of Vulnerability
Obstacles to vulnerability
What Vulnerability is not
Although a popular belief and misconception, vulnerability is not weak. To choose to open up and share how we are thinking and feeling, to ask for our needs and wants comes with exposure, and with exposure, potential for judgement, critics, rejection and abandonment. Vulnerability is not weak, it is a choice of strength.
Embrace your Vulnerability
Copyright Antonia Behan 2023
Do you understand how much power you have to effect change and create what you want for your life?
Own your power:
Owning this power to choose your response requires mind mastery and emotional resilience, so that, even in the face of strong adversity, and where you may feel helpless or powerless to effect change, you can begin to claim your power.
Your power develops when you make the decision to be brave, have faith, maintain positivity and let go of fear, doubt and worry. It is about choosing the qualities of love above all else.
Be realistic about expectations:
This is not easy, it is possible.
When feeling anxious, nervous, worried, scared, pressured, stressed, overwhelmed, angry, frustrated, powerless, lost, helpless, exhausted and your mind wanders into negative thoughts, harnessing the mental strength to stop this, and to be able to pull yourself back into present, take a few deep breaths and respond to what is happening within you (because it is always about what is within you), in response to your reality, with are, compassion and kindness takes strength.
To then decide, with firm discipline, to speak to yourself with kindness, encouragement, words of faith, hope and possibility, is also hard; its hard, because you have to decide that you mean it.
This is what strong love looks like. And you do it again and again; respond with love every time you are pulled back into a feeling or emotion that triggers negative thinking.
Take action where it matters:
Once you manage to succeed with your mind, you are ready to act on your words of encouragement, love, positivity and possibility.
Decide what action matters most right now, hold the vision, keep the focus, maintain positive mantras and do not stop until you arrive at your destination, for as long as it keeps being important to you, a top priority, and a true heart value.
You have to want it enough and it has to matter enough to brave uncertainty and nurture with love and faith.
You can do this, you can do anything you decide you can do.
"To forgive is to set you free",
"You forgive for your own peace"
"To choose forgiveness, is an act of love"
"When you forgive, you let go of holding on to the anger inside that is hurting you"
And yet, forgiveness feels like giving up and allowing the person who hurt you to be set free; to get away with what happened.
One thing I know for sure is that you can only really understand forgiveness, when you go through the process yourself, fully.
Intention to forgive is the first act of love, but this is not forgiveness
Saying "I forgive" is the cognitive process in forgiveness, but this is not forgiveness
To truly forgive, is an emotional process.
I know in my soul that I had to forgive the doctors involved in monitoring my baby girl. After a healthy pregnancy, and learning that all was well at the 36 week ultra sound scan, at 37 weeks, she suddenly stopped moving. My doctor asked a nurse to conduct foetal monitoring for two minutes where the nurse told me she was fine, and sent me home.
Over the next two days, I continued to raise concern about her not moving, after moving many times through the days of our third trimester, and my doctor continued to tell me that the foetal monitor confirmed she was fine, and to stop worrying. I was a new mother, I assumed they knew what they were doing, and that I was just worrying.
Three days later, they agreed to monitor her again and this time it was a midwife who carried out foetal monitoring. She told me that it needed to be 20 minutes to gain an accurate insight into what was happening. Following this, an ultra sound was carried out to further assess my baby. The ultra sound confirmed that there was no heart rate; my baby girl had died.
When I asked why they had carried out the ultra sound on this fourth day, they told me that sometimes the foetal monitor only picks up the mothers arteries, and not the baby in the womb. I asked them why they did not carry out 20 minutes of foetal monitoring and an ultra sound when I first raised concern, because perhaps they would have carried out an emergency c-section and given her a chance. They did not answer me.
By general care standards, I believe that they failed to carry out what most doctors would have done to adequately assess what was happening, because I asked a lot of midwives and gynaecologists how they would have responded to my concern.
Overwhelming grief followed, and then steps towards legal action. Nothing would bring back my baby girl, but perhaps by demanding accountability, I believed that something, in the name of justice, and towards prevention might be done.
Through this time, I continued to grieve, and anger continued to flair; at them for their lack of care, and at myself for trusting them.
Choose love, I reminded myself, over and over. And I did. I responded to my sadness and pain with love; with words of strength and support to get myself through the tidal waves of pain and loss.
But anger remained. It felt that I had to fight for justice, to turn my anger into a passionate and positive cause; that legal action was an act of love because I would be fighting for the life of my baby girl and for the lives of other babies that might face distress and require adequate monitoring.
I initiated a process of legal action
As time has passed, and while the tidal waves of overwhelming emotional pain continued to rise, but thankfully less frequently, I realised that whatever the legal outcome might be, nothing would bring back my baby back. Even if I won my case and were able publish the case and the names of those involved in the press, and share my story, to help others feel more empowered in trusting themselves, in questioning doctors; because some are great and some are really not, nothing would stop my pain or change my loss.
And what of anger; what really needed to happen to ease anger? Would winning really be a win for what most needs to be won?
This was the question that let me back to forgiveness: 'What really needs to happen to ease anger?'
I felt certain that if I were to win the legal case, it would feel victorious, but the fact that those involved would not acknowledge their failure, or apologise, but instead believe their practice to be adequate enough, left me more certain that nothing would change, not where it mattered: nothing would bring my baby back and nothing would stop them from continuing to respond to foetal distress in this way again. This realisation did nothing to dispel anger.
One of my priority heart-centred values is peace; Peace within me and peace within my community and my world.
'What path moves me closer to peace?' I asked myself.
To be in peace, I need to be free of anger and any negative emotion.
To be in peace, I need to recognise and accept what is within my control and what is not.
To be in peace, I need to lift my heart into lighter and brighter realms, to move into my present and leave the past in 'her story': my truth.
To be in peace, I need to embrace gratitude; to see something to be thankful for, in what happened. I have done this though a deeply personal process of making meaning from what happened; from her loss.
To be in peace, finally I understood that I needed to forgive deeply and fully.
To forgive is to choose love first. True love is not found in the 'justice system', that is just a game to play; you may win, you may loose, but it is not game of justice, it is a game of intelligence, luck, money, power emotion, and politics.
Love is a greater power. To choose love, in all of this, is to choose to forgive him, them and myself; it sets the heart free. This is peace, and peace is my priority.
To forgive is really really hard. It is a mental battle between the feelings and emotions of grief that tell you one thing, and the voice of love that inspires another. It is a process that requires a lot of work. A process I have been in for over three years.
To deeply forgive feels like feeling the anger, feeling powerless, feeling loss, feeling pain, feeling, angry and responding to these feelings by guiding them to move on with the in and out breath, and sending them on their way, with a kiss in the wind, holding on to gratitude, taking the meaningful lesson, and walking on, with my scars, to live my life free of anger and with more grace.
Forgiveness is not giving up, it is claiming your power to love.
Copyright Antonia Behan 2023
Coaching Psychologist BSc MSc MBPsS MICF PCC
Living and leading with love
Coaching and courses for leaders in life
'Lead with love'
'Grow your love, grow your life'
When you connect with your core power and channel it with clear intent, you make your world better.
Unconditional love is love in its purest form, it is the connection that bonds mother and child, the strength that braves suffering, compassion in action, an act of forgiveness, the bond of two hearts in unity, and it the magnetic force that calls people of different nations, classes, cultures and spiritual belief systems to connect in a united vision or movement, and true love is the force that dissolves fear in its radiance; love is the greatest power on Earth, and it is your greatest power.
The question is, do you want to connect with it, develop it and discover just what you can do with it?
Connecting with Your Love: To connect with love is to move intentionally towards focusing on the values of your heart: acceptance, compassion, kindness, appreciation, gratitude, forgiveness, positive intention and motivation, and choosing to live them. It is when we embrace these heart-centred values and accept who we are and how we are, what has been, is and may be, when we place ourselves in the shoes of another to consider how their world might be, with genuine care and concern, when we consider ourselves and others, when we reflect on what we appreciate and few grateful for, when we offer a random act of kindness, and when we make choices that are with positive intention and heart-felt motivation, this is when you feel the full magnificence of your love.
Growing Your Love:
Assess: To grow your love is to reflect on how well you are currently living these values, and where there are growth areas that would value your attention.
Reflection Moment: Can you give three examples of recently living with acceptance, compassion, kindness, appreciation, gratitude, forgiveness, positive intention and motivation?
Grow: to grow your love is to cultivate mindfulness, so that you may better observe the content of your mind and recognise when the thoughts, voices, beliefs, and perceptions are operating from love, or not, and to then be able to mindfully select the thoughts, beliefs, affirmation, intentions and voices you want to listen to, and give power to.
Reflection moment: If there is one internal thought, attitude, belief about yourself, another, your situation or your reality that you would value letting go and replacing with a love-based mindset, what would this be and what does the new mindset sound like?
Tame Fear: One of the biggest inhibitors or obstacles to love, is fear, and while love is stronger, in the presence of fear, love becomes like the chained circus elephant; for years she has been chained to her prison lead, and now the binding is weak and with just a tug of her leg strength she would break free. But she has been living in chains for so long that she has forgotten her strength. To unleash your power, you need to be reminded that you have it, to want to claim your strength and your freedom, and to then believe in your ability to break free and claim your power and your true human nature.
Reflection moment: When you consider a fear voice that stands in the way of self-care, living your full potential, that inhibits your happiness, joy and fulfilment or sharing your love in the world, what does this fear voice tell you? How do you believe true love would want to respond to this? How would you like to respond to this?
Self-Regulate: When you have the ability to respond to your world of feelings and emotions with love, you feel more confident within, and you feel more confident in your relationships with others, because you are able to with them, as they are, in acceptance, because you are able to respond to the feelings and emotions that arise, with love. It is when feelings and emotions are regulated with loving kindness, which may look like journaling, talking it out, dancing, singing, painting, running or throwing feathers fiercely – expression that does no harm to the self or others, or any furniture! – then there is space for compassion, kindness and forgiveness to emerge in our discourses with ourselves and each other.
Imagine living with acceptance, compassion, kindness, appreciation, gratitude, forgiveness, positive intention and motivation, because your have the ability to master your mind and respond to your world of thoughts, feelings and emotions with love, and so you feel the love, others feel your love, and you grow the love in your world. And this is just on a day to day basis. Now, imagine if you capture this ability, focus it with positive intention and motivation, and decide to channel your love out into the world, in a way that feels exciting, meaningful and fulfilling for you, imagine how you would feel, what you could do and how you might live.
I’ll leave that with you to allow your emergent possibility to rise.
If you would like to explore this further, or you would benefit from partnering with someone who is on this path and experienced in facilitating this process in others, you are invited to have a conversation about how we may work together.
Single working parents are able to be strong, resilient, multitask and play multiple roles, often at the same time, and still have time to bake a birthday cake, and do all of this well, on most days, and I consider myself part of this group description. But, the truth is, I am tired, things slip, memory recall is somewhat challenged, and don't get me started on emotional reactivity!
I decided to intentionally slow down, because calmness and presence are important values for me and my boys. Intentionally slowing down means moving into the present, taking deeper breaths, and having just one item in mind at a time.
On the day I slowed down, I re-prioritised some tasks and let the lesser ones go, I moved slower physically and mentally, and let go of the constant manifestation of mess to my every clean action (thank you boys).
What happened since then has been quite remarkable...
Slowing down is improving my quality of life and Intend to embrace it fully.
I am a single mother by choice, and have given birth to two beautiful boys; non-identical twins, separated by 22 months on ice. Yes, I choose to have invitro-fertilisation on my own and become a single mother, and I made this choice because it became the most important choice to my life. My eldest is almost two and my second son is 13 weeks old. I can say that as strong as I am, this is hard, and sometimes I struggle. One of the peace-making exercises I have found - and have to keep finding, because with baby-brain fog and the whirlwind lifestyle of a single working mother having two children under two, I forget many things, often, – is letting go of ‘I want’. When one of the babies wants me for his ‘bo’ (bottle) some attention, or to be cuddled to sleep, and I just want to clean the pasta sauce that he so expressively sprayed on the carpet, put the washing on, hang the washing out, do some work, or just make a cup of tea, my ‘I want’ creates stress, because I feel unable to get what I want, because my babies need me. When I take a breath and tell myself to ‘Let go of I want’ I am able to move into the present, to be with my babies, supporting their needs, nothing else, and with the choice to be present with them, I am reminded of a greater deeper truth; my choice to be a mother, a loving mother and with all this means, and this comes before instant gratification. My choice to be there for them is what I want more, and reminding myself of my own truth calms the inner storm. The choice to let go and sacrifice our wants is the choice of an empowered parent, it is a choice of love and it breeds peace.
I am not suggesting we give ourselves up for our children, I am offering that we give ourselves up in moments, for our children, so that we can live our deeper heart-centred truths, and in doing so, move into a little more love.
When both babies want me at the same time; when one is crying because he wants my milk and the other is in the bath demanding attention, and I physically cannot play with the ducks while breast feeding safely, I am met with a whole new level of surrender: ‘I want’ to be a good mother and ‘I want’ to give both boys all my love and attention when they want it, and I often feel guilty when I don’t, because I can’t.
Here it is; I cannot do what I want and my ego doesn’t like it!
When I surrender ‘I want’, take a breath, and look at my children, I am able to see that my reality is that I have a choice to make. I picked up my 13-week-old to feed him and distracted my almost two-year old by holding up a towel with my free hand and playing ‘boo’, until his laughter led him to forget about the darling ducks.
I choose to move forward on the path to peace, rather than reacting from not getting what ‘I want’; I choose heart-centred mindfulness over ego-centred reactivity, and I moved one step forward on the path to love.
On reflection, I realise I’m being a good mother; I’m not giving the boys what they want in the moment and I am surrendering my momentary wants, because allowing ego to rule is not healthy; rather to tame it, and guide it to living in love, in alignment with the heart, is the choice I want to make, try to make, and am learning to get better at making.
I realise at this stage that I am not going to be teaching my boys how-to live-in love, but that we are going to be learning together.
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