Vulnerability is Love in Action

​ 'The difficult thing is that vulnerability is the first thing I look for in you and the last thing I'm willing to show you. In you, it's courage and daring. In me, it's weakness' Brene Brown


The meaning of vulnerability
To be vulnerable means to share your innermost feelings or celebrating your successes without fear of rejection or criticism turning a positive human connective experience into a hugely daunting task.
In her book, 'Daring Greatly', Brene Brown defines vulnerability as “uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.” She goes on to state that vulnerability is at the core of shame, fear, and the struggle for worthiness, and it is the birthplace of joy, creativity and belonging.
To truly let go in our creativity, to allow our hearts open to the light of joy, and to authentically connect with ourselves and each other, we can only do so through vulnerability, but so often fear gets in the way of this liberated state of being, encasing us in clouds of shame and thoughts about not being ‘good enough’.

To give ourselves permission to be vulnerable, we must learn to embrace our feelings of shame, fear and low self-worth, and choose to dare greatly to love ourselves and so allow ourselves to be present in our true and full expression.


Where is vulnerability showing up in your life?

• Are you open about how you are thinking and feeling with close friends, what about your partner and family members?
• Where do you feel nervous about speaking up due to fear of judgement, rejection or an emotional reaction?
• How comfortable are you with asking for what you need?
• What about asking for what you want?
• How do you feel about uncertainty?

The Power of Vulnerability

• Builds Connection: when we connect with ourselves and each other with empathy, there is room for deep understanding, acceptance and compassion to flourish, and here is where trust grows and deeper bonds are made
• Affirms self-worth and personal strength: When you are able to feel safe in expressing your needs and wants, and sharing your feelings with others, you do so because inside you know that your truth is valid and requires no explanation or defence, and that whatever the outcome of choosing to be vulnerable is, you have what you need within to manage that.

Obstacles to vulnerability

• Perfectionism: When striving for an ideal of who we want to be, how we want to be, how we want things to look or function, we are living outside of truth. At any moment, anything could challenge that ‘perfect’ standard and then the deeper truth might be touched, revealing a reality that exposes a beliefe about who we are or how we are or what we create or do not being 'good enough'; a belief that some choose to avoid at all costs, because it is painful, even though it is not truth. The truth is, you are worthwhile, and as soon as you reclaim this loving choice, your break through the barrier to vulnerability.
• Lack of self-love: When a person is not able to love themselves; they cannot accept, respect, value and believe in themselves, they do not treat themselves with care, compassion and kindness, or they knowingly hurt themselves, then it is almost impossible to be vulnerable in asking others for needs and wants to be met, because this person is not able to provide this for themselves; they cannot be vulnerable with themselves. Making the choice to learn to love yourself again, or for the very first time, will grant you the permission you seek and the strength to be your true self.

What Vulnerability is not

Although a popular belief and misconception, vulnerability is not weak. To choose to open up and share how we are thinking and feeling, to ask for our needs and wants comes with exposure, and with exposure, potential for judgement, critics, rejection and abandonment. Vulnerability is not weak, it is a choice of strength.


Embrace your Vulnerability
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• Foster self-empathy: get to know your inner world of feelings and emotions, make a point to connect with yourself and check-in with how you are thinking and feeling, and ask yourself what are your current needs and wants? Not only does this allow for greater self-awareness to grow, it builds your sense of connection with yourself, which grows your inner strength. Only when you know your true self can you choose to share yourself with others.
• Choose Safe people: Being vulnerable does not mean that you are expected to be an open book with everyone. Set your boundaries and choose who to be vulnerable with; begin with those who you know love and accept you and who will not judge your or reject you for expressing and exposing your authentic self.
• Choose Love: When you fundamentally choose to live from love; open-hearted, accepting of yourself and others, kind to yourself and others, in thoughts and deeds, and without judgement or criticism towards yourself or others, you become the very force of strength that allows authenticity to flourish, vulnerability to be chosen and deep human connections to flourish.

Copyright Antonia Behan 2023
www.antoniabehan.com