With examinations just a few weeks away, I want to give you some simple and effective tips for your teens or your success. It’s time to elevate your mind to that of a winner and take action for success! Revising can be a tedious task, with far more pleasurable activities available; indeed, sometimes staring into space seems preferable to sitting down and focusing on the task at hand. So let's begin by changing the focus and preparing your mind not only for success, but, for actually wanting to revise! Shift Your Focus: If what you are currently thinking about is not working for you,stop thinking. and change your focus. When it comes to exams, this can often mean shifting your thoughts from 'having to revise' and what you may be missing out on by revising, to focusing on the ultimate goal that you want to achieve; the grades you want, the feel good factor of knowing you have done your best, to realising your highest grade score, being accepted into your chosen University, a career opportunity or being able to demonstrate your aptitude, discipline and potential for initiating an entrepreneurial project. You are not just revising for an exam, but through the act of revising, you are elevating your mind to that of a winner; to someone who is prepared to do that hard work, and to dedicate time and effort for something greater, outstanding, beautiful, rewarding, spectacular, inspiring, monumental and important to you. See revision as a practice round to a bigger picture; to the story of the type of person you want to be. See it as an act of patience, dedication, commitment and loyalty to your greater good. Task #1: Ask yourself: What is your big and exciting dream? How will exam success support you in achieving this? If you don't have a big and exciting dream yet, ask yourself, how will you feel knowing you have given this examination your very best? And, how will you feel if you don’t get the grades you are capable of because of short term pleasure distractions? What do you really want? Believe In Yourself: You don't have to believe in yourself, to start believing in yourself, you just make a decision to start believing in yourself, and to tell yourself all the reasons that you can succeed. Task #2: Make a list of 10 reasons why you can do well in your exam if you give it your best shot, starting now? Manage Your Stressors: When you can identify what exactly is creating anxiety and stress for you, you are then in a position to select appropriate management tools. Stressors appear to be the people, situations, or events that create feelings of stress, anxiety and fear in you. However, this is a common misconception. The actual stressors are the thoughts, beliefs, fears, or images you hold in your mind about yourself or your life. Task# 3: a) Make a list of everything that is creating feelings of stress or anxiety for you now. b) Beside each item listed, explain why this is creating stress for you? c) Ask yourself, is this actually a true fact, or, is it a fear or a worry about what may be? Common stressors include statements or beliefs that begin with:
These statements generate stress responses in the brain. If you notice these statements in your own words, I would like you to change your language to calm language: Use Calm Language: Calm language does not generate stress, but rather opens you up to solutions and possibilities which actually generate feelings of calm. Replace you stress creating language with the following solutions orientated and calming language:
Once you have identified your stressors and analysed how your own language may be contributing to this, and what you can do to change this, the next stage in preparing for exam success, is to create a stress management plan. Stress Management Plan: The first thing to recognise is whether stress is working for you or against you? Some students wait for the pressure of last minute revision, believing this aids focus, and for some people this works. Others experience stress for many weeks, during a phase of procrastination. This can easily be averted by commencing revision early. The question is, is feeling stressed worth it? Overcome procrastination
The Benefits of overcoming procrastination: When it comes to procrastination, think of the underlying stress you feel when you are being distracted. In the back of your mind, you know fear of failure or the pressure to revise is there. By creating a balanced study plan, with time for rest, relaxation and fun, and committing to study at the designated times, through organisation and time management, you prevent stress build up and you get to have better quality relaxation and fun time, knowing you are on track with your revision. Revision Preparation Skills:
Target/Goal What I need to do? With help from? Target date Date completed (Chapter/subject) Retrieving information
Visualise Your Success: See yourself going calmly into the exam, knowing you have done your best, that you have revised well and now all that remains is for you to do your best. There is no need for worry now, the work is done and what shall be, shall be. Visualise yourself sitting at your desk talking a calm deep breath and with the papers in front of you, feeling calm, knowing you can do this, and that everything is going to be okay, no matter what happens. See yourself feeling calm and enjoying the exam that you have worked so hard for, feeling happy with yourself for your commitment to the revision process and the rewards that may soon follow. Finally, see yourself opening your examination results letter and feeling happy with yourself. GOOD LUCK!!! :-) Get in touch to ask about Exam Success Coaching, to improve study and focus skills, stress and anxiety management, organisation, time management and confidence. +34 620 741 361 antonia@antonianbehan.com
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This month I have been giving psycho-educational talks on themes relating to how thoughts, obsessions, addictions, and attachments can lead us into ways of thinking, feeling and living that are not necessarily our truth, but rather, are just our state of mind in a moment, or a period of time. I see the mind as an ocean of currents, swirling in constant motion, if we allow, so that just as emotions come and go and flow, so do our thoughts. However, sometimes we do not let go, but hold on to an idea, a fear, an obsession, a belief, a want, a need, and we fixate, holding it and ourselves in a timeless space, in limbo: out of the natural currents and flows of mind and life, and in a state of dis-ease. In most cases, holding on to anything prolongs the agony of desire; of wanting, of needing, of what was or what could be. In this state of mind; out of the natural rhythm and flow of mind, we miss life; we are not living in the world, but lost in thought; acting out the stories and dramatizations of a mind that often is not serving us well, indeed, living a story that may not even be our truth.
Our thoughts are not our truth, they are many truths, from many people and situations, from impulses, automatic reactions, experiences and events. These are all limitations of a greater truth. Your truth, is what matters to you; your values,your perception, your unique feeling and expression. Select those thoughts and images that support the story you want to experience, then expression of yourself you want to be and share, and the responses you choose to make. By recognising that what we are thinking, feeling and doing, and then asking: ‘Is this serving my highest good, my real truth, my growth and the direction in which I want to walk?’ we can then decide if we need to hold on to these thoughts or behaviors, or to try to allow the thought to keep flowing, guiding the mind to a more positive, lighter and brighter place. Writing a brighter story begins with the choice to do so, and the dedication to our truth; to the story we want to write, as we let go of those stories in our mind that we no longer want. Ask yourself:
I believe that life offers every potential imaginable, and every potential that we cannot even imagine. This is why, in times of uncertainty, the place I try to put my mind is on an intention that has proved itself many times to be a beholder of magical qualities; to decide to ‘allow something better than I can imagine to occur’. This intention does not come without its challenges: there are haunting fears; some based on past evidence, others on self-created doubt and negativity that at times appear as the only truth! However, within the casting of such intentions, it does not seem to matter if I cast waves of fear and doubt, as long as I return to the choice to have faith in my surrender, and allow life to unfold in a way that will be positive and supportive of my dreams, and even better than I can imagine. I am not saying that the intention will bring the dream to life, because the truth is, anything could happen! However, by making the choice to ‘allow something better than I can imagine to occur’ my experience of the moment is magical, positive and open to seeing the opportunities, possibilities, and wonders in life that a closed and fearful mind misses, and sometimes, dreams really do come true. It seems to me that the supportive actions I take to try and ‘make’ my intentions happen do not always produce the wanted results. This only goes to show that I cannot control my world. However, as long as I keep coming back to making the choice to ‘allow something better than I can imagine to occur’, I have found several times in my life that the sum of my efforts produces a greater outcome that I could have foreseen. In the past, I would only speak of these matters after realising the manifestation. This time, I am in the process, and life is teaching me to let go of what I think should happen, how I think the path will unfold, and surrender illusionary control to the design on my life, to take a chance on life. My fears tempt me into inhibiting states of thinking, overflowing with fears and doubts, but, I am also learning that fear can be reduced to a tiny speck of paint on my finger nail, in the presence of the choice to have faith. Do You Ever Feel Trapped? Do you ever experience the feeling of wanting to strive for something while an inner force is holding you backl? It can feel like a sensation of wanting to run, while stuck firmly on the spot. It’s a feeling that can happen when you say, ‘I really want this’ (to go to the gym, start writing a book, create your own business, try a new hobby, express yourself authentically, learn Spanish, read the book that has been looking at you for six months, or leave a toxic relationship), but your fears and doubts hold you in chains. Do You Want to Break Free? This means that when you want something, you make your strength stronger than the force containing you. This means, when you want to run, you run. And this means, that when you make dreams in your mind and they matter, you take that step towards them, no matter what, and you silence fear and doubt, because you can. How do you Break Free?
QUESTION: This year, what do you want to achieve?
Freedom is your choice, in every moment. You can give it away, but no one can take it away. Own it. Choose it. Cultivate it. Practice Your Freedom. With a strong heart and mind anything is possible. Cultivating strength is a choice.You always have a choice. Anything is possible, if you really want it. Antonia x If You Are Going to Lead, Then Lead.
Linda Cliatt-Wayman Leadership is about becoming the writer of the story of your life. I believe that to be a true leader requires: Vision: It is your vision, something you believe, see or feel called to do. It is where you see a need that you can serve, or hope that you can give. No one can give you this vision, other than to inspire you to give birth to your own. Leadership asks you to turn from the status quo and seek new vistas, hopes, dreams and possibilities. Leadership requires you to be a visionary. Faith: A true leader has faith in their vision; they may not see what will be, how it will be attained, the actions ahead, or how the chapters will be filled. They just know it can be realized and that it matters. They know this because they believe in what they see or sense, and they trust in their own dedication, commitment, and ability to try. A true leader knows that true faith is simply the bold choice to choose to believe in yourself and your vision, over fear, no matter what. Love: A true leader knows that real success will only be achieved when their journey is fuelled by love, because love gives a true leader the light they require to build success and attract others into their vision. Truth: A leader must be authentic. People sense a lack in authenticity, they feel the words unspoken and they see the actions above the facade on show. A true leader must honour their values and truth in actions, if their leadership is to succeed. Courage: There will be challenges. There will be dark nights and days of glory when you are called to demonstrate your leadership skills. There will expectations placed on you, demands made of you, responsibilities chosen by you, and there will be fears that hound you; some real, others ghosts in your mind. Courage, the ability to believe in yourself, silence the ghosts, and to trust life will be your ally. Connection: A true leader understands that true success is bringing about transformations that benefit the whole and so care for the whole and the ability to communicate with clarity, care and compassion is key to cultivating powerful connections. I know that to truly lead, I must write the story of my life and be accountable for it. I must manage my mind, conquer my demons with all the power of my love, and project faith, courage and positivity onto the script of my mind and onto others. I must stay true to my truth and be fierce in breaking through clouds of doubt to let the light shone through. I must choose my vision, choose faith, choose love, choose my truth and choose courage, and keep choosing these qualities every day of my life. True leadership is an art, and requires practice and dedication every single day. Always believe in your vision, faith is the light that brings your dreams to life. Christmas is a time to re-connect with loved ones. It is the one time of year when we have an excuse to show love. This can be through the giving of gifts, sharing of heart-felt sentiments, enjoying each other's company, or making it a time to say 'I forgive you' or to show 'I accept you', by being there, present. It is also, for many, the one time in the year to just stop; stop working, stop worrying, stop planning and enjoy the goodwill season! For many, the opposite is true; the stresses of family reunions and planning the Christmas dinner only adding to the existing stress. And there are those who are alone, in richness or poverty, there are those suffering in silence, or in the devastation of a country at war. While we may feel helpless to affect any change in the lives of others, we are not helpless. In fact, we are powerful because we all posses a incredibly beautiful and potent inner power, love. And, with awareness of this. and of our free choice to choose our thoughts, we are empowered to choose love. It may seem like a simple choice. You may wonder how this can affect a person you may never meet, or serve to effect change in the world, but it can. As the year draws to a close, one cycle giving birth to the new, it heralds a time for a moment of reflection. If you were to choose to make Christmas a time to love, regardless of the existing situation, how would you choose to celebrate the season and prepare for your New Year?
Imagine your whole family did this. Imagine if your whole community did this. Imagine, if everyone did this. Love is powerful. I am not a religious person, but I consider myself to be spiritual, and a seeker of truth. I have explored meaning and purpose in my life. I have done this by considering different religious and spiritual beliefs, scientific theory, human nature, the intelligence in life, and the meaning in why things happen as they do; in human relations, within the nature of suffering, and through my life's journey. I have explored the many aspects of love, from chemical attraction, through intimacy, heart-centered values and romantic ideals, and I have considered love as a simple choice; an intention of how to think, from the heart. It was this revelation that really captured me. It became the diamond in my quest, because it gave me an answer to the meaning and purpose of my life. It explained suffering as a lack of love. It explained the laws of life; the choice to accept not only that I do not know the answers, but that I will never know, because to see the great mystery as it is, I would have to look through the eyes of all sentient beings, and not just in one moment, but through the whole journey of that person's life, because our perceptions change as we change and grow, or how we feel in the moment. I would have to look from within the Earth and from the furthest star, and possibly beyond the known reality, because the truth, I believe, is in eyes of the beholder and matter of perspective; to see the truth is a magnificence beyond possibility. I think closest we could come to it, would be to surrender the self and merge with the very essence of life. In a state of wonderment I wondered, what would I be. The answer, light. It infuses everything. This is our essence, and life demonstrates that it can become anything. We have the gift of sentience and conscious choice; we can choose who we are, how we think, how we act, how we give. In accepting this truth, I realised I could create my own truth about life. I can choose how I want to see and experience myself and my world. I can make choices, there will be consequences, and things will happen outside of my control, and to this, I can choose my response. It has taken me a long time to realise that I can choose how I see and experience my reality, and even longer to start learning the way. I want to learn to love, because when we love, we are love, and the ripples shine out, and they grow with every repetition of the choice to love so that with each footstep we make on the path to love, an invisible sparkle rises from our imprint to inspire the world around us. When we choose love; to love the self, truly and authentically, the beauty is that the whole world benefits. In committing to trying to practice these two words we can change the world in a moment. Love is the greatest power and everybody possess it. Imagine, if we all made the choice right now to choose love. What does it mean to choose love? This is something only you can answer; it must be your truth, from your heart; your own unique beautiful expression. I believe this is the best Christmas gift we can give and the beauty is, everyone can choose to give it; it is a priceless value that is possessed by all. You do not have to do anything, or give anything, you can simply make the choice to just love in thought; think with kindness, acceptance and compassion for yourself and others, this alone will send light to those around you. Choose to give this love, and express your true self from the heart and you become the light of Christmas, and of love. This Christmas whatever you are doing, make a precious moment, to create a precious gift; choose love.
The Power of Words: You thoughts are powerful influences or inhibitors to your success. Discover why your thoughts are not the truth, and how to transform the way you think to help you achieve your objectives.
'Change Your Mind, Change Your Life' - 6 week private course in-person or on-line. What Do I Say to My Anxious Teen?
The teenage years bring raging hormones, powerful emotions, a battle between individuality and peer acceptance, the pressure to meet the expectations of other people, while managing busy academic timetables, study time, rest and their social life, indeed, being a teenager can bring longer working hours than some adults endure, and, they don’t even get paid for it! It is no surprise that anxiety is growing rapidly in our teenagers. The questions is, what can we say, as parents, to ease through the walls of defense, and help our teenagers to manage anxiety and stress, and prevent this becoming out of control? Does this scene seem familiar? Your teenage daughter is packing her suitcase for the family holiday. Her room is a tip, and she is taking forever (again). The airport taxi is due to arrive in 5 minutes and she is not even dressed. You’re thinking, ‘We are going to miss the plane!’ Meanwhile, your daughter is consumed with her image in the mirror. She’s thinking, ‘There is no way I can wear this bikini on the beach, I look fat! I need new clothes!’ You start yelling at her to ‘hurry up!’. She screams, ‘God, you just don’t understand! Leave me alone!’ and turns the music up. You wonder, ‘Why does she have to fight me on everything, why can’t she just be ready on time?’ The taxi arrives. She throws everything into the suitcase, puts on pair of jeans and gives you the silent treatment all the way to airport, while consumed in negative thoughts about how she looks, and what others on the beach will think. In a situation like this, the daughter cares more about her appearance, how she feels in her body, and how others will judge her. The mother cares more about catching the plane. Here we different priorities playing out, based on strong personal values. There is no right or wrong, just differences. By understanding that we have different priorities, we can then learn how to communicate to ease conflict and reduce anxiety and stress. Show that you understand. Try saying, ‘I understand how difficult it is for you when you don’t feel confident with how you look. If we talk about this now, we will miss the plane and I am sure you don’t want this. But, when we have settled into the hotel, let’s make some time to get you a new bikini that you feel comfortable in, and perhaps you have outgrown some of your summer clothes, so let’s go shopping together’. Offer to help create a solution: ‘Let’s make some time to see if I can help you create some solutions to feeling better about yourself. You are a beautiful girl, and you deserve to be happy’ Offering to help create a solution helps teenagers to open up instead of feeling a need to be defensive. When you can understand the thoughts and beliefs she hold about herself, then you can help her to develop more positive and accepting perceptions. Build her self-esteem: You can use encouragement to build up your teenager’s self-esteem, basing judgement on who they are as a person and the positive values they uphold. Work with acceptance to help her realise that sometimes we all get ‘fat days’, and that we can let it upset us or we can put our mind on other issues, because it’s how we choose to deal with it that determines how we feel, and feeling fat and bloated does not mean that you are. The key message is to love yourself as you are. This eases anxiety and promotes healthy thinking and behaviour. Listen to what she is saying: When a young girl says, ‘I look fat in this’, you can say, ‘You look beautiful’, but this may fall on deaf ears, if the negative belief is deeply ingrained. What you can do, is apply logic. ‘Fat, compared to who, or what? Why are you comparing yourself to that person/cultural image, do you want to be like them, or do you want to be you, with all the beautiful and positive assets and attributes you have (and list them). Get your teen to think logically about the thoughts they are having, with the goal to replace ‘I look fat’ with ‘I love myself as I am’. (If they have unhealthy eating behaviors causing them to be underweight or overweight, this is another matter that requires other approaches and perhaps professional intervention). Above all, do not react. Be mindful of your objective, and how what you say and do will influence how your daughter thinks and feels about herself. Sometimes, the best way to help teenagers, is for parents to have a few sessions with a coach or therapist, to gain some useful techniques to ease tension in the home, and support an anxious teenager. |
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