Antonia Behan - Work. Life. Balance. Work. Life. Balance.

When we capture a beautiful moment in a sunset, in the fragrant notes of a summer rose, in the radiant expression of a blooming Lilly, or in experiencing a random act of kindness, we feel the presence of beauty in our heart. This is because beauty is our essence. It is not something you necessarily see, it is what you feel within, life simply mirrors the state of our soul.

We can choose to see life as ugly or beautiful, as painful or experiential, as fearful or exciting. What we choose to see, is founded on what we believe about ourselves. If we wish to experience the beauty in life, the first place look is within. Beauty rests peacefully in a place beyond fear and doubt, underneath anger and pain, and beyond terror. Beauty exists at the very core of our being. It does not matter what feeling you are having right now, or what belief you are holding about yourself, or about life, if you wish to experience beauty in this moment, look for something beautiful in life that touches your heart. It may exist outside in the garden, it may ripple across the surface of still waters, you may hear it in the laughter of a child, you may feel it as the kiss of the sun warms your cheeks, and you might just find it in a memory or a dream. Beauty exists everywhere so that despite the challenges of life you never forget who you are.

Image courtesy:  Douglas Lavery

There are people who believe they are superior to others and will pursue a way of living and behaving to affirm this, with little regard for how they do this, or who they have to step on to achieve their objective: glory and glorification, because it is what they sincerely believe they deserve. These people may be suffering from a personality disorder called Narcissism; a destructive condition that can be very difficult to recognise, but that leaves wakes of destruction, pain and suffering for themselves and their victims. However, by understanding this disorder, it is possible to learn how to manage it.

Narcissism is complicated – there are positive and negative aspects of narcissism:

Narcissists can be great leaders and innovators:

• They aggressively pursue goals and are less concerned with rules and “the way things have always been done”.
• They can see what the future holds and focus on creating it.
• Because of their need for adoration, they intuitively know how to inspire through their words, speeches and language.
• Their lack of empathy may actually facilitate change, where others would struggle with feelings of guilt, fear and concern for how their choices affect others.

Narcissists can be terrible leaders:

• They don’t like to teach others, but prefer to indoctrinate or preach.
• They dominate meetings.
• They generate internal competitiveness instead of cooperation.
• Narcissistic leaders are uncomfortable with their emotions resulting in strong walls of defence. Unable to take constructive criticism or suggestions from others, makes them almost impossible to communicate with.

Narcissists can be self-destructive:

• As narcissists become increasingly confident through followers’ admiration, and their own past successes, they act more spontaneously and may believe that they are invincible. If anyone disagrees with them, they interpret it as betrayal and feel justified in ignoring them, creating further isolation. The result is flagrant risk-taking that can lead to disaster.

Could you be a Victim of Narcissit? Continue reading »

The pursuit of happiness is something we all strive for, but surprisingly many of us fail to make time to think about what this really means:

Q: What will make me truly happy and what do I need to do to attain it?

If you are not happy, and are not actively pursuing happiness, it may be because you don’t truly believe that you can be happy?

One of the main qualities in being happy is having self-esteem: if we believe that we can attain the things that matter, and we believe that we can attract into our lives the people and opportunities that makes us feel better, this state of mind will naturally enable these exact things to happen. If however we don’t have this self-belief, then the first thing to do is to build it.

Three steps towards believing in and attaining happiness:

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Our values and beliefs vary depending on culture, belief and current situation; what matters the most you now, may be very different to what matters the most to another. While you may value your career more than your partner, because your career fulfils your priorities; to survive, be independent and financially successful, your partner may value your relationship more, because the aspects of love that found the relationship, such as companionship, affection, to love and be loved, are his current values. While you may give all your time to striving for your personal best in your career, your friend may choose to put their focus on building friendships, because the sense of attainment that matters most to you is not as important to them as companionship and connection with people. Neither value is right or wrong, or of more or less importance, they are simply in a different order of priority.

The most important thing, is to know what is the most important thing to you now, because this is ultimately what brings personal fulfilment and life satisfaction.

Discover what matters most to you now… Continue reading »

It is so easy to become prey to the ideals and beliefs of our community to a point where we actually believe we want something just because everyone else wants or has it. If we become entrapped by such ideals, we shall surely drift away from what really matters and find ourselves wandering in realms of unhappiness and disappointment.

Of course we all expect things to be a certain way, but this idealism does not bring happiness, indeed it may only prolong the agony of desire. End the pain right now by turning your mind to what, in your heart, you truly want, and on what you would design for your life if not tempted to flock towards the dreams and ideals of others.

To create your life, the way you really want to live it, ask yourself this:

Q: What really matters to me more than anything else?

Now ask yourself:

Q: Why do these things matater to me more than anything else?

If you find yourself far removed from what really matters to you, then right now take action towards bringing more of these values into your daily life.

If a sense of balance is of priority, then do something to create balance.

If financial independence matters more, do something right now that will take you towards this,

If you desire more time with those that you love, then put that time in your diary right now and commit to it.

If you seek a sense of adventure, do something adventurous right now, even if it just making a booking to do something.

If you seek happiness, do something that brings you that feeling right now, it may mean thinking a happy thought or smiling because you know you are starting to improve your life from this day on.

If you want to change the life you are living, change begins now. If not now, then when?

Q: What is the most important thing for your now?

Q: What needs to happen to bring more of this into your life, starting now?

Credits: photograph courtesy James Jordan