How do you feel about breast-feeeding at work?

​I'd like to raise a conversation for the purpose of raising awareness and exploring an inclusive and professional solution. The conversation is based on two questions: 'How is the theme of DEI approached when breast-feeding woman choose to return to work, and breast-feed at work?' and 'What is professional practice?' Two questions are posed, because both are relevant and important.

My name is Antonia Behan, I am a professional coaching psychologist BSc MSc MBPsS MICF PCC and I am a breast-feeding mother returning to work. My little one is refusing the bottle and so I am returning to work, with him.

This is because I do not want to traumatise my baby through any type of force (syringing the milk into him), or causing prolonged distress by leaving him with someone to try and bottle feed him while I, in his mind, 'disappear', and I want to return to work, so I have decided to return to work and keep breast-feeding at work.

What do you think about this?

Let me give you some context... I provide online and in-person coaching and therapy in a range of formats to a diverse client base, including adults, adolescents, senior corporate and political leaders, management teams, families, schools and private companies. For some clients, I may work with trauma related themes, anxiety or general psychological well-being, and for others it may be integrating a new corporate culture, leadership growth, or fostering heart-centred values. Some of my clients will be struggling psychologically, others are in a healthy state of mind and focused on thriving.
So far comments have ranged from:

• 'It's unprofessional'
• 'You can't do that'
• 'People might be uncomfortable'

To;

• It's not a problem for me, please do what is comfortable for you and your baby.
• Do what you feel comfortable with and we can make adjustments if needed

What is the right answer?

For me, DEI is about everybody, and so in this example, it is about being inclusive of breast-feeding woman, and it is about everybody this breast-feeding woman is working with, because that is what being truly inclusive means; it means considering everybody.

While we cannot please everybody all of the time, and we cannot make everyone feel comfortable, we can offer everyone an equal opportunity, we can open up a conversation to allow people to be heard and have their feelings valued, and we can promote free choice: It is my free choice to return to work and breast-feed, and how other people choose to respond to this, is their free choice. Asking people, 'what is your choice' is being inclusive.

Asking people, 'what is your choice' is being inclusive.

Let's move to the next question: 'What is professional?'

When I work in a therapy capacity, I am often working with people who may have trauma or attachment related themes, some may be highly anxious, depressed, or struggling with self-esteem. In these situations, from a professional practice perspective, I know that I need to be fully present, and 'with them' and that the connection with my client could be damaged by the presence of another person (baby) taking some of my attention. Therefore, I have made the choice to postpone my therapy work because as a therapist I am responsible for creating a psychologically safe space and taking care of my clients, who may not be in a psychologically well-enough space to make a healthy choice for themselves; they may say it is okay to feed my baby, because they are not yet strong enough to say 'no'.

When I work in a coaching capacity, it is online and people are coming to me from a psychologically well space (although they may not always be psychologically well), and I still need to be present and listen well to my clients, which I can do while breastfeeding; indeed breastfeeding makes me more present, calmer and more heart-centred, and so I believe I am actually a better coach in this space.

Coaching comes with a strong focus on personal empowerment, and is about holding a space for a client to grow in the direction they choose. It is not my place to make decisions for my client. With this in mind, I am simply asking each of my clients (on the basis of psychological wellness) what is their preference: postpone our sessions until my baby is on the bottle, or, when my baby needs feeding during our session, my childminder brings him into my home office and we turn off the video, for the time it takes to feed him, while continuing with a voice only session.

Let people choose, because they are psychologically well-enough to make a healthy choice, and free choice is inclusive.

What about breast-feeding at live seminars and workshops with any number from 8 to 500 people in a room?

I cannot possibly accommodate the different needs of a large seminar group: some will be accepting and comfortable, others may be critical, or there will be some who feel uncomfortable, which is understandable What I can do, is present what may happen, prior to any enrolment, and let people choose. Personally, I feel unable to 'perform' a seminar, because it requires a focused head space and an active pace that breast-feeding takes me away from, and so I am choosing to postpose live seminars, as a matter of professional delivery quality.

What about small group workshops?
I can ask everybody and I may get different and conflicting feedback, however, people can choose to attend, or not, knowing I may breast-feed. Am I going against DEI principles by breastfeeding? DEI is not just about everybody else, it is also about me; it is about everybody. Today, I can offer a service that some will be accepting of, and others will not, in a few days or weeks, it will change.
I am a woman, perhaps some prefer a male coach. I am from a certain cultural background that is different to some people; some may prefer a coach who understands their culture better. There are different preferences everywhere. Our uniqueness is part of our beautiful world; let's celebrate them and know that sometimes we cannot accommodate everybody and it is not about exclusion or inclusion, it is about recognising and empowering free choice in a loving and accepting space.
What may happen to the way a workshop runs, if my baby is brought to me for 20 minutes a couple of times during the full-day workshop?

I am fairly certain that the pace with slow down, I will move into a calmer and more heart-centred and connected space, and instead of thinking about what I am delivering, or facilitating, a space will be created to foster greater connection and allow for information and emotional processing, which will be supportive of those participants who require process time, and it will encourage this important recognition to pause, process and reflect, as a powerful facilitator of learning and well-being; I believe my workshops will be even better thanks to the gift of breast-feeding, and I shall design them well, with this in mind.

This article highlights the reality that DEI themes are often unique, complex and that they always include everybody, and so I believe plenty of time is needed to allow for mindful consideration about how we live and work together

DEI policy cannot require creating something that everyone can be a part of, because we cannot accommodate every individual need and difference all of the time. What we can do, is be mindful about how our choices may impact others, and when we recognise DEI related themes, invite people into a conversation, learn about how people feel, and be accepting and empathic in our responses, because that is what we can do, and when we do, we are operating in a heart-centred space to facilitate the growth of more love in our world. I can accept you, I can accept your feelings and view points, I can accept your differences, I can accept your uniqueness, I can accept things about you that I may not like. I choose not to limit my capacity to work to manage other people's discomfort. Can you accept my choice?
You are free to choose to participate in coaching with me, and join my workshops, and for the next few weeks and there may be breast-feeding. I fully accept your choices.

Meanwhile, this may be a non-issue, because as I am sitting here writing this article, my wonderful babysitter is patiently managing to get my 15 week old to drink a little from the bottle!! Acceptance is a funny thing, and sometimes a magical thing, when we embrace our situation, whatever it is and however we are, the struggle ends and we move into a peaceful place with ourselves and each other.

Article by Antonia Behan Copyright 2023
www.antoniabehan.com